LEADING FROM OVERFLOW: WORSHIP, PRESENCE, AND THE WEIGHT WE WEREN’T MEANT TO CARRY

My name is Jayliene Bonilla. I am a worship leader, songwriter, journalist, and missionary—but more than anything, I am a follower of Jesus and a traveler of the narrow path.

I sang in church for the first time when I was five years old. I still remember how big the room felt and how small I was in it—and yet somehow, I felt right at home. By the time I was thirteen, I had begun leading worship. I’ve been doing it ever since. I’ve had the privilege to lead in many spaces, countries, churches, and regions. But somewhere along the way, something deeper took root. Beyond music, beyond stages, beyond setlists—worship became the purest expression of my love for Jesus.

I love to worship Him.

Walking closely with Him has united my heart with His in a way that feels irreversible. I’ve locked eyes with the One my soul loves, and there’s no turning back. Worship is no longer just a song I sing—it’s my response to the One who keeps pulling me in with His kindness. It’s how I say, “I love You too.”

That deep love for Jesus has always been the foundation of my ministry. But as the years have passed, I’ve realized that passion alone isn't enough to sustain the weight of leadership. I’ve needed mentors—pastors, spiritual mothers, and leaders who have spoken into my life with wisdom and grace. They’ve helped me grow, challenged my blind spots, and reminded me that leading well begins with being led well—by Jesus and by trusted voices in the faith.

Leadership in ministry isn’t just about gifting; it’s about growing. I’ve had to grow in character, in discernment, in humility, and in how I carry the responsibility of spiritual influence. And perhaps the most freeing lesson I’ve learned is this:

I was never meant to carry the weight of the room.

There was a time when I exhausted myself trying to convince congregations to worship. I would walk off platforms feeling heavy, frustrated by the lack of engagement in the room. As a worship leader, I believed it was my job to get people to where I was—to stir them, move them, or somehow transfer my personal experience to them. I led from effort instead of overflow, trying to produce spiritual fruit with natural strength.

My intentions were sincere, but my posture was off. My striving—though born from love—was misplaced.

If you lead from the flesh, you will reap the fruit of the flesh—fruit that may look impressive for a moment but ultimately leaves you empty. But what is done in the Spirit, by the Spirit, reaps a harvest that remains. The fruit born of the Spirit outlasts them all—because it’s connected to the Source of life Himself.

Galatians 6:8 (TPT) reminds us: “The harvest you reap reveals the seed that you planted. If you plant the corrupt seeds of self-life into this natural realm, you can expect a harvest of corruption. If you plant the good seeds of Spirit-life you will reap beautiful fruits that grow from the everlasting life of the Spirit.”

As women who worship in church platforms or everyday spaces—our first and greatest responsibility is to commune with Him.

We must come back to this truth: We were never meant to carry the weight of the room. We were meant to carry the presence.

When He is exalted, He reveals Himself. And where He reveals Himself, people respond—not to us, but to Him. We don’t have to manufacture moments or manipulate atmospheres. We simply stay close to Him. He leads—we follow.

Let me free your heart from the cycle of doing more just to gain the room’s attention. Their response is not your burden to carry. If they come, they come. If they don’t, they don’t. That’s not on you.

Your calling is to be with Him. To lead from love, not performance. To let your public ministry be the overflow of your private communion.

Because I’ve learned this: when I stay close to Jesus, He shows me how to lead. He tells me when to wait, when to move, when to say nothing at all. I don’t have to strive. I don’t have to worry about who’s “in” or “out.” I’m not performing. I’m responding.

And if I’m not careful, I’ll start worshiping their response to me instead of responding to Him. That’s a dangerous and subtle shift. And it happens easily when we let pressure take the place of presence.

So, to every woman in ministry who feels the tension between leadership and intimacy, between expectation and worship—take the pressure off. You were never called to carry it all. You were called to carry Him.

True authority in worship isn’t born in performance; it’s forged in the secret place. Ministry becomes burdensome when intimacy is absent. But when we live near to Him, leadership and worship becomes the overflow of love.

And the most powerful thing we can offer those we lead in worship is not our talent, strategy, or platform—but the presence of God dwelling richly within us.

So return to the One who called you. Let Him refresh your soul. Lead from love. Lead from rest. Lead from overflow.

Jayliene Marie Bonilla

citylife church

Missionary to Mozambique