THE FUTURE IS SPECIAL – Reaching and Discipling Special Needs Families

As a special needs mother, I often ask God, "What can I do with this gift you’ve given me?” My husband and I have two beautiful sons, ages 8 and 6, who are the absolute joy of our lives. In our early years of parenting, God started us on a lifelong journey of advocating for our oldest son. Our story encompasses many highs and lows, but at the lowest of it all, we discovered that the church as a whole was lacking in its ability to not only reach but disciple extraordinary children like our son and the families who so selflessly care for them each day.

Being in ministry, we see firsthand what it feels like to be isolated and left out within the body of Christ. As Christians, we preach about reaching every tribe, culture, and people group, yet we fail to realize that we’ve missed one of the most important ones. One shocking statistic shows that up to 80 percent of families who have a loved one with special needs are unchurched. Through witnessing what our family goes through daily, God so graciously opened doors for me to bring awareness to the church and call to action those capable of loving and caring for these real-life superheroes and their families who love them so well.

I may not currently have a Ph.D. in Special Education, but I do have a Ph.D. in everyday life scenarios and what ministers to our family the most. Here are a few simple steps to help your church get started.

1. You don’t need experts.

It is a considerable asset to utilize those in your church with backgrounds in special education or any education. Still, you don’t have to have those resources to provide a suitable environment. You need willing hearts. From the moment parents walk into your church, they seek something, which is acceptance. The most important thing you need to provide is love and kindness.

2. Designate

Even if you do not have enough resources to provide a separate class or space for these children, designate specific people in your nursery and classes. Try to have one person at each service who is prepared to give these students extra love and care. If you don’t have enough resources for additional classes, designate an available room on Wednesday night or Sunday morning. Parents may not be comfortable leaving their children yet, but if they need to step out of service, give them a quiet place. Suppose you can provide a “Sensory Room,” even better!

4. It is not your job to change these kids.

Receive them just as they are with open arms. Provide a safe and fun environment. Try to find common ground with them. Show interest in who they are. Listen to their stories and get on their level. Show them they are welcome JUST AS THEY ARE. You do not have to teach them theology to feel like they are receiving the gospel of Christ. Try to present the gospel in a manner that works best for them.

5. Have consistent and familiar faces.

Parents will find so much comfort in consistency. As a leader, do whatever you can up to being physically harmed to keep these kids in class and your service. If you can create just one hour of peace and comfort for these parents, you’ve won the entire family to your church. They want a place to worship and receive the Word. If nothing else is working, try changing their atmosphere. Take a walk. Sometimes, getting them away from whatever stimulus is causing a meltdown, even for a few moments, will change the entire scenario.

6. Never push special needs areas/classes on parents.

Ensure it is corporately displayed but never approach a parent who seems sensitive about it, especially if they are new to your church. You don’t want them to feel that they are being singled out. Make it known on your slides before service, make a video, or post a photo on your bulletin boards. Have arrows that point to this area, so they know they have a space.

Most importantly, remember this: Make each day a new day. Never hold last week's behavior against these students. If you feel like you can’t serve to the best of your ability, call your leader and let them know. Never make these parents feel neglected or unwelcome. For you, it’s an hour, but for them, it is 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.

Having a place for families with special needs in your church is so vital. 18.5% of American children under the age of 18 are special needs children. It’s not something to run from but something to embrace. Stay in touch with them. Make sure you reach out to these families and let them know they are welcome just as they are.

Jeremiah 18:4 (NIV)

“But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands, so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.”

Through a calling and pursuit of worship ministry, Tara has experienced opportunities beyond the four walls of a local church. Her anointing to reach out to women and girls has allowed her to minister throughout the country with various speaking and worship engagements.

In addition, Tara has become an advocate for special needs children and their families. She and her husband Justin's incredible testimony of raising a special needs son has led her to write a book, curriculum, and other resources for families and ministries seeking knowledge in special needs ministry. You can buy her book “Beauty Behind the Pain” on Amazon.com.

Tara lives with her husband, Justin, and their two young boys in Charlotte, North Carolina, where she serves as the State Girls' Ministry Coordinator for the Church of God in Western North Carolina.